What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
