Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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