idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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