just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
