i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
