If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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