whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
