he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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