One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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