I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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