Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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