I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
