After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
