Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
