omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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