I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
