i think my mom watched the whole time
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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