Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
