I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I did not marry a roomba.
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