i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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