I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize