She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
