I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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