he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
