I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
