my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
