Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
