I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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