Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
