How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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