I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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