You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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