she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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