I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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