honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
