I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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