got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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