I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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