Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
