drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize