i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
