im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My ass is underappreciated
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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