there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
