guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
