went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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