Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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