At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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