you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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