You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
