I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
