I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize