In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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