well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
