I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
