Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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