you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunk is not a location!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
God, I missed his penis.
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