im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
