She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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