1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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