At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
