Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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