We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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