He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
