She said her name was "party"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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