i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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