It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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