now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
