I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
