nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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