As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
