garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
