You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you will always have a special place in my vag
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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