Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
