I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
