she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
